Painful memories…
Written by Arulnila, daughter of “Pulikalin Kural” ( Voive of Tigers) officer Jawan.
17/05/2009 the rooster did not crow as usual, the birds did not chirp; there was nothing to be heard in the area except the roar and the explosion. The sun alone rose and spread its rays, proclaiming the dawn of the day in the soil of Mullivaikkal. The area where the Nanthi Sea stretched was weeping for blood, torn pieces of muscle and pieces of exploding iron.
Rotations everywhere to return. Promises not to leave, begging to go with us, denials that we will not surrender, advice for children Nanthi Sea stands at the pinnacle of human misery. That is where my family was suffering from not knowing what to do.
Dad, mom, sister, I never thought that the life I lived would be shattered on that day. Dad and sister were with guns, and mom and I were staring at the waterfall with a bag containing a couple of clothes. Dad immediately ordered us to move into the military controlled area. He assured that he and sister would be safe. He also promised that we will meet again.
My dear father and sister were separated that day in that blood-soaked Nanthi sea floor. They just sent us off, telling us to come back soon. But we do not expect it will last for years. Our separation continues indefinitely with unthinkable pain.
I have the same desires as everyone else. I want to be with my dad and grow more and more under his guidance. My dad’s love is so deep; measurable; dad would knock to get first in everything, be it education or sports. Even at a young age, he enjoys watching things crawl on the wall. Those beautiful memories still linger in my mind.
Our mother and father raised us by telling us about our Tamil Eelam liberation struggle, the leader and the sacrifices of our heroes. Why did homeland liberation begin? Why did the heroes sacrifice their lives? Dad would often share with us the many field experiences he had gone through. Dad was the one who went for liberation when he was young. Just like that, the sister went with them saying that the she was going to fight in the final with our leader´s side. Dad and sister just left us together. To this day, we are looking for them missing. Only those who have realized how difficult it is to separate relationships that exist together will understand. It is in my mind that that feeling and pain should not even come to the enemy.
The mind explodes when it thinks that the days so lost will never come again. I have imagined many times that day that Dad will see me. Imagine a big table with what to talk about and what to do when I see him again.
I have so many things, so many stories to tell; I have to go to many places together with my sister; again we must live freely in soil. The voice of the Tigers you loved must be re-mixed with our national air. We need to hear it from you.
Every day I think of what you said when we left you, Dad. You tied me up and kissed me and sent me many things. I hope I have accomplished many of those things, Dad. We will see one day. On that day, I will definitely tell you the news of success that will delight your mind. I am so proud to be your daughter.
You have nurtured me from a young age as a believer in martial arts, sports, football and so on. I hope that development will definitely make me better. Dad, not only your children you raise, but many fighters and those closest to you will often brag about you. I am so excited then. I live with your memory everyday Dad.
When I listen to liberation songs, it is the voice of the LTTE and your memories that burn me. The times we greet you are short. You have spent a few hours for us on your liberation journey. Those times were the happiest moments for us. Your activities are no different, even with one leg. The speed never slowed down.
How can I forget you who are tough at work and much taller than others in affection. Will the beautiful days when the four of us lived together come back to the days? When Dad was swinging on the tree in our house, sitting on your lap and eating? Waiting for the day…When will you come… Dad… Sister?
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