Colonel Shankar’ From Death Is Not

Matyrs
Colonel Shankar’ From Death Is Not

My heart was once so sensitive that should someone even tap my shoulder or raise their voice, my heart would skip a beat. Through time and my experiences, through the unpleasant encounters and bereavements, I have become numb to the point my heart was built from steel. In 1977, when my brother-in-law, Vasi (Lt. Siddhathan) along with Captain Pandithar, came home to ask for highly explosive material used to break small mountains from my grandfather, I understood to some extent something big was about to follow. In 1978, I was given a proposal for marriage for which I did not refuse, Manokaran (Captain Karan) and I got married.

Captain Karan had a second older brother Sorini (Colonel Shankar), so I asked his mother why she was proposing marriage for Captain Karan when Colonel Shankar was not married. She took out a letter that was written by Colonel Shankar. “Tamil Eelam is my ideal. I won’t get married.” The summarised in the form of an analogy, “if the 7 hour bus breaks down, the 8 hour bus should go on.” Meaning to say, though he will dedicate his life to the movement, his brother should seek the conventional life of marriage and so on. My marriage brought me into a household dedicated to the LTTE movement which I couldn’t be more proud of.

Shortly after my marriage, my mother-in-law suddenly died of a heart attack. To add to our struggle, my father who was a postmaster, was suspended from work because he did not pass a Sinhala language exam which the Sinhala regime introduced and forced upon the Tamil people. Through these pressing times, I somehow made it through. My brother-in-law Captain Shankar, who came from abroad after studying and qualifying as an Engineer, bought two fishing rollers in Mannar. He also started a cow farm for my husband Captain Karan on his birthday on 18^th of September 1980. In the 1980s, the grievance was not labelled as associated with the struggle. The Army, Police, CID will often visit. We would prep ourselves in advance on how to tell the story when questioned. We would often put out false rumours and tips that would lead back to the Government forces to deliberately confuse them with whether we have any association with the LTTE.

The army and the police thought that the rumours and tips being received was because others in the community envied the life our family led. In 1983, after Lt. Siddhathan’s arrest, due to military police abuse, Colonel Shankar went to India. My husbands family was a family with no female siblings but just six brothers. I was the first girl to marry into this family. They treated me like their own sister.

There are no words to describe how they brought me up and looked after me. In 1983 I began to isolate myself whilst everyone would leave one by one as they got more intense with movement activities. The loneliness became more apparent. On the 5^th of October 1987, I became a widow of Captain Karan after his “Veerachavu” (a Hero’s Death). Following his death, I moved to India with my two kids. Colonel Shankar invited me back to the homeland in 1990. On the 4^th of May 1992, Colonel Shankar took charge of me with two children.

However, he only married me in 1992. Many people asked the reason for postponing the marriage for two years. One day after the wedding he told me, ‘I couldn’t make a decision straight away because I didn’t want to risk you living as a widow again’. Time went on, and I become a widow for the second time. What happened to me should not happen to anyone. I have never heard of something like this happening to anyone. I had so much belief in God. I had a dream two days before his death. I prayed it wouldn’t happen a second time but it did. Till his last breath, his Country was his drive and passion. He had always said, “Everyone should progress, everyone should study, live with character and honesty”. Even though it was a short-lived marriage, to live with such a pure man who had so much patience, no envy, no lies or nor pride was enough for me. He would say, “Sometimes there will be regrets. Don’t worry about not having sandals, remember the legless one”. He would even say “I may die to a Claymore attack, but if that’s the way I will go then that’s the way I go”. I would get irritated hearing him speak of such things. He would go on to say, “As long as our leader is around, he will not let any of us down”.

“Trust our leader, Tamil Eelam is certain during our leader’s time”. He said to be patient in the name of freedom. Even though he wandered from country to country without paying attention to home, he showed interest in the education of his children. Everyone’s children have a lot of desire to study and progress. There are few people who have the character to love others like themselves. He was one of them. He left his selfless character and the need of the country to soak in the three of us. I was not in the mood to visit Tuilumillam (Hero’s Memorial Plaque) often. I wouldn’t have the courage to face the plaque. Now Tuilumillam is like my home, my peace, a part of me.